When You Were Born

Giving birth is the only time a woman is hand in hand with God in creation..........
As I watched my grandchild come into the world, I stood in awe of God........how carefully he planned each fingernail, and eyelash and how they would work.......No way could life have come to be, by a big explosion or a cosmic coincidence..........NO WAY!!.......looking at my daughter and watching her become a partner in creation, gave light to her faith....how she was trusting not just me, her husband, the medical staff.....but God.....and how he showed up....with such grandeur and majesty in the form of a small baby......and in the love shown in the lives of each family member and friend gathered around to witness the blessed event.....he never fails.......

serenity

Glowing embers
flames dancing to and fro
deep within
it's warmth
I am trapped

Much Life

Looking back and holding on to the memories of my life. I silently pray that, I will never be without them. I am molded and fashioned after the people and events that have twisted and softly maneuvered their ways into my being. I worry as I age that my mind will be empty, void of all the colors of my past, present and future. If only my heart could take charge, it is big enough and bold enough to carry me through to eternity, as it holds everything and everyone so dear to me. My brain may fail me, my fingers may no longer move to record the events as proof that I encountered much life. But my heart will never forget. Even the broken pieces are still alive, and my veins are full of rich memories.

My First

Two wheels
giving wind to our wings
Shifting gears
giving us a new direction
One open road
giving miles of exploring
My heart racing
all the while as I hang on
.......to you

thoughts

Our words can bring healing or destruction
Beauty and charm are deceiving
Common sense out weighs being book smart
What others think about us .....does matter

A Lovely Lady

Today I drove a lady home from the hospital. A precious little lady, who calls everyone "sweetheart", soft white hair like cotton candy, and a smile as big as the sky above. She's frailing now, but the pictures on her walls are proof that once upon a time she was a beautiful sturdy young woman, with a handsome husband. Her heart is kind to the core. As I helped wrap her in a soft cotton robe, she looked at me with uncertain eyes. I touched her hand and rubbed her shoulder to reassure her that I would take good care of her. Driving away the autumn sun was dashing between tree branches and reflecting through the windows of our van. We passed a park, with a small lake and saw children playing. As I drove I could barely keep my eyes on the road. She was a dainty soul, her lips were dry, and she looked longingly out the window. She spotted some yellow and purple pansies, and commented softly on how lovely they were. I asked her if she thought it would be a good day to sit on a swing in a garden, in our wide brim hats, running our bare toes in the cool grass and sip iced tea? As she wet her parched lips with her tongue, she replied "boy wouldn't it!".

sippin iced tea

Amongst the pansies purple and yellow
in a garden filled with flowers fair
Sat two little ladies in wide brim hats
sippin iced tea

Said one to the other "I feel pretty mellow"
The other replied "I do declare!"
with grins as big as chessie cats
sippin iced tea

Quiet Time (reposted)

This poem was a result of my quiet time with God, while on a ladies retreat. Our cabins were rustic, comfortable and positioned right on the river. The deck offered a breathtaking view, especially in the early morning as the fog lay across the lake and lifted as the sun peeked it's cheery head out to shine. I found a bench near some trees, and became filled with the spirit as I spent time alone with God, and these words spilled forth.

The beauty of the fall colors
how you planned them just for me
sitting on a bench beneath majestic trees

Your whisper in each breeze that blows
the sun upon my back
with every falling dying leaf
a new one will grow back

My plans and schemes are like each leaf
they die before they fall
And in the new growth that you bring
you wait sweetly for my all

I sit here oh so quiet Lord
thanking you for this place
And for seeing you for who you are
in every lovely face

My life my time is not my own
but yours if I could see
So in your presence I will wait
and meet you quietly

Firelight Dance

toasty toes
amongst the flames
my eyes are held captive
as the warmth
envelopes my body

Sleepy Time

little chubby fingers
twisting and holding my hair
as he drifts off to sleep
dreaming tenderly

October Rain

skies of gray
telling a story
before the clouds burst
and rain covers the earth

A Picture of Life

I'm going to paint for you today
mountains tall and grass of green
fluffy white clouds and sky that never ends
lake water so clear you think it's glass

I'm going to paint for you today
little birdies pecking seeds from the ground
squirrels upside down on the bird feeder
flowers of yellow and red blooming

I'm going to paint for you today
rocking chairs of white on a gray front porch
crisp white bed sheets hanging on a clothesline
brown, red, yellow and orange leaves falling

I'm going to paint for you today
an open window where a warm apple pie sits cooling
curly blonde curls upon a childs head flowing
while she swings from a tire swing

I'm going to paint for you today
life in small town USA

silly me
I've gone and done it
bragged too soon

For so long I worried about growing old and being with just my husband. These days, I take each day, hour and minute as it comes. We do not share the same dreams, interests or goals but we manage to spend time together doing nothing, and it's okay. Our years have not been easy ones, and yet we have never truly experienced hardships, other than the normal emotional ones. We are blessed beyond our comprehension.

My Man

gazing lovingly as you sleep
my mind drifts slowly back
to the first time you kissed me
or did i kiss you
little did i know that we would wed
and now your snoring reminds me
that while the years have passed by
we have become comfortable
closer
and sweeter

Here's To You

lifting her glass
slightly touching her ruby lips
sipping not tasting
leaving a devilish smile
upon the rim

Years

time spent.....
as dreams go up in smoke
tick tock tick tock tick tock

Happy Old Maid

Beneath her glasses bent and scuffed
a girlish gleam was caught
She boasted on the days gone by
leaving names of whom she'd taught

Her life had been a single journey
she was the youngest child
"I am a happy old maid" she sung
her traveling days were wild

With hands of rippled tenderness
folded softly on her dress
A melody escaped her lips
her faith can never rest

Here I sit, in the darkness of my livingroom..........
feverently typing conversations with an old friend from my home town. How easily it is to pick up where we left off......as we type, my mind goes back to our early days, and I can see her vividly as if it were today..........long blonde hair, tall fitting frame.....listening as her fingers sweetly tickle the keys of our piano.....feeling the warmth of her embrace......hearing her silly laugh and joining in with snorts of crazy goofiness.
God has truly blessed me with good friends.....friends that last a lifetime.

Now The Son

24 years ago, I gave birth to a son. My labor lasted 20 1/2 hours, and every minute was worth the pain, fear and uncertainty that surrounded those hours. As the Doctor placed that warm squirming, weight of my child on my tummy, we became one. Kissing his little cheeks and touching his tiny ears, left me teary eyed with joy, quietly thanking God for his gift, his creation, his love.

Freaky Friday

Pizza
Movies
silly giggles
Mother and Daughter
such a strong chord

Trashed Thursday

The phone is ringing off the wall, no one answers. A Mother's worry leads to a long drive through twisted trees, and up winding hills. Houses along the way banter insults from their trash laden yards.
Upon entering the house we step back with disgust as our eyes race wildly while our voices call out her name. No answer. Again we shout. A small weary voice is heard from the bedroom. Walking over and around mounds of clothing scattered from the front to the back of the house. My breath leaves me as I take in her surroundings. Lying in her bed covers over her head, she peers out with a half smile. I bend in and pull the cover back to kiss her forehead and cheeks a million times. She is my sunshine but her light has dimmed. From the hall her Daddy says, "rise and shine, get this house clean". He rolls up his sleeves and digs in as I wisper in her ear, "you must rise and meet the day for it is about to be gone." With as much effort as she can muster, she rises, dresses and combs her hair. The three of us accomplish much. Will she rise another day?

Wounded Wednesday

One last word. One last inch of energy spent.

Tormented Tuesday

My face was pleasant, my words were honest but few. Around me sat those who's lives were being changed, and re-arranged. Some were happy, some were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. A mother held her child to her breast for nurishment, a necessary but tender act.
We sat nervously chattering about nothing, waiting for our name to be called. When the time came we assembled into the ultra sound room. As I looked at my daughters face, my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. Such a young life with so much to live, enjoy, hurt, experience, feel, and dream. Now, put on hold to bring new life into the world. A tough yet tender task for an unprepared girl. Then shifting my eyes to her husband my heart broke into pieces.
Watching the outlines on the screen and listening to the rythm of their childs heart I felt relief, as she seemed to be growing and all was well. I watched her squirm and stretch, mostly staying in the fetal position. I knew she was safe. Safe from living with two people who were unwilling and somewhat unable to become who and what they need to be, in order to raise a well balanced child.
Later tonight spending yet more draining hours of twisted words, tears, and texts. Just listening, waiting, and hoping to hear or read some sign of hope. Nothing yet.

Monday Has Passed

A storm forced it's heavy breath across our quiet little town. No rest for me as I faced my day with one eye open and one eye closed. Elderly voices realing insults at each other and at me left my spirit low. Monday, has passed.

My Daughter Is 18

We helped our daughter celebrate her 18th Birthday today. She and I went for a pedicure before we met up with her Dad for lunch and shopping. The three of us enjoyed our time together. Our time is short these days, she is a married lady. Tonight, she had cake at her house with a couple friends, and her husband. I could not go. Last night her husband and I exchanged angry words concerning yet another display of his dishonesty and lack of moral character. My heart with the weight of a cannon ball is still lodged in my throat. My eyes see the rough road ahead for my child, his wife. My mind is on overload. I cannot rest. My prayers seem as if they hit the ceiling and bounce back. I despise being lied to and cannot control the rage that comes as a result. My whole weekend is a torment. I do not want to face Monday without rest.

Hot Chocolate

with eyes of rich dark chocolate
she wets her sugary lips
tasting her warmth
he is hooked

A Part Of Me

stripped of color
longing for the stroke of brush
on a rough canvas

People From My Past

Recently getting hooked on facebook, has sent me looking for people I've known years ago from my small hometown of Streator, Illinois. Some of which I had bad experiences with but, upon looking at their photos and reflecting on the hurt, I've felt compelled to forgive them of their offenses and to ask forgiveness for mine. Much to my total surprise I've been rejected by a couple of them, and treated in the same ignorant manor of which they used 20 years ago. Do people really not mellow out with age?? Do they still have poison in their veins?? Why do they keep curses going for generations by spilling their lies and hatred into the veins of their children, so that they may never be free??? "Forgive and move on" has always been my mantra. But surely not easy to act on. At the age of 45 and 3/4 I am still trying to find the good in people, and being sadly disappointed. What a waste of precious life to not spread love, friendship and peace, but to be consumed by violence.

Bedtime Thinking

laptop on my lap
pillows behind my back
lights off and doors locked
alarm set for early
clock ticking it's late
box fan blowing for sound

I should be sleeping

my mind is full
news man on the air
children starving and alone
homeless live on the streets
young soldiers dying
leaders that cannot lead

I should be sleeping

listen to the fan hum
feel the softness of my bed
the king is on his throne
angels battle for our souls
eternity waits for all
he never sleeps

I should be sleeping

Little One

As I type, a small miniture weenie pup chews the sandals on my feet all the while whimpering to be held. She's been fed and taken outside. The longer I leave her on the floor without cuddling her, the louder she gets and the more things she finds to chew. Hmmm....I am flooded with several thoughts. One being that in less than six months the sounds we will be hearing will be a baby crying, basically needing the same kind of attention. Secondly, when I personally don't get enough attention I make a lot of noise and I chew!

Oh Sleep Come Quick

The darkness of a sleepless night
is more than i can bear
Tomorrows shade of tired eyes
do not catch a lover's glare
Beneath the covers quilted down
the stiffness of the sheets
Around the room the smells of love
where two bodies felt the heat
Inside a soft embrace of kiss
the lips of secret lies
He gently tosses up his head
and looks her in the eyes
Oh sleep come quick I beg of you
do not keep my slumber
In dreams of many sleepless nights
so many I can't number

The Sacared Dance

Across the prairie a summer wind came
My ears felt the sand whisper your name
Clouds of fathers gave away your face
By the moon you took me in your embrace
As the young deer came daringly close
So soft your breath like petals of a rose
In the distance we heard a warning voice
Without a thought our hearts made a choice
Together on a winding twisting road we went
My nostrils filled drinking in your scent
Journey's end came as soon as the sun
A falling feather's flight is done

Son

Twisted words out of crooked mouths
a heart completely lost
In his mind he came for help
tormented by his thoughts
Will he never laugh and smile
his loins will they not sing
his quiver is full
but tomorrow holds nothing dear
empty rooms where peace once lived
A child's laughter against a vast unknown
echoing off the moutain top
Sounds of piano drums and lyre
amidst the waterfall
so deep he goes into the rock
it hardens like his heart
the silent sound of nothing said
his lips won't even part

Rainy Day Dream

a rainy afternoon of rest
her quiet mind is at it's best
but heart is leaking like the rain
and death of life is in much pain
I see the past in photographs
I see the proof of love and youth
shh, be still the rain upon the roof
be still my troubled soul
tomorrow brings a fresh new day
with troubles of it's own
so swollen cheeks and tear filled eyes
lie softly on the bed
no more the time of innocence
no more the days of youth
come quickly rain upon my head
goodnight my teary eyes
the rain will wash away my sad
and bring back all those times

Quiet Time

The beauty of the fall colors
How you planned them just for me
Sitting on a bench beneath majestic trees

Your whisper in each breeze that blows
The sun upon my back
With every falling dying leaf
A new one will grow back

My plans and schemes are like each leaf
They die before they fall
And in the new growth that you bring
You wait sweetly for my all

I sit here oh so quiet Lord
Thanking you for this place
And for seeing you for who you are
In every lovely face

My life my time is not my own
But yours if I could see
So in your presence I will wait
And meet you quietly

Price of Grief

TV media flashing faces
skins of grief, lines of worry
eyes filled with disbelief
Quickly changing stories
authorities searching
From the hills nearby
cries of brokenheartedness
No ones ears were listening
They were too busy
plotting, sceeming their story
dollar signs spinning in their heads
Now instead of a healing homecoming
a child returns to the same
grief and greed that stold her away.

Love Tap

I looked for you
in the garden dear
Oops, I tripped on the gate
or wait was that your foot
What did I do
to deserve a skinned knee
or is that mild
compared to what you'd like to give me
Did I speak unkind words
or was it my rolling eyes
It's hard to tell
As the blood runs down my leg
I see your reflection
in the puddle on the ground
You are laughing
Was it the sting of the fall
or was it the broken pieces of my heart
that caused me to
stand up and knock out your front tooth

Life As We Knew It

Beyond our comprehension
we need divine intervention

If only we had prayed
we would not of been betrayed

Now with our flags a flyin
we do not feel like dyin

So on our knees we stay
and ask our God the way.

Daddy's Little Firefly

It was just another night underneath the stars
When new life appeared
He held her like fireflies inside a mason jar
While his eyes teared

The days went swiftly by while he made his living
When time was lost
Soon the lid was open and how marvelous the giving
While he bear the cost

Come back you golden lights of my love he cried
When softly she lit
Off again to catch the wind she fluttered spun and tried
While his breath quit

Alone

Just when my heart wanted you
How could I have been so blind
Beneath that smile
Under that grin
Came the biggest heartbreak of my life
I'm just a small town girl
You seem to be standing on my street
Was passing me up something you planned
How on earth did we meet
I took a different path only to find you
While I stood there waiting
you left

What A Lazy Summer

Porch swing swaying while the trees dance
bare toes tapping while the birds sing
sunshine leaning on the front stoop
What a lazy summer